If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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