I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
