we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
