before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
