Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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