let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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