Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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