All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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