So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I deserve this hangover.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
