she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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