Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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