I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
