I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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