do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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