if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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