nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
