He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
