wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
