Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
