im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
