Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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