Porn is love you can see.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
