my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
