We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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