nut hugger
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
