and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
