Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
