The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
