Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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