Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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