Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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