i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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