You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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