How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
