It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize