i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
