so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
