she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
