I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
