you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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