Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
