Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
