there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
