He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
