this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize