What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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