I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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