Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge๐ค
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