I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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