You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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