Me. At least after what I've been through.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
