dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
