I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
