If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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