I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
