someone threw a dead crab at me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize