I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
