My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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