Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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