Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize