We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
