Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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