we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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