she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize