Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
