I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize