I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
