I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
