i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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