i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
God, I missed his penis.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
