So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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