all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
