the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize