I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
