If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
