dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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