I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
