I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize