I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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