spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize