if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
