We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
