I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
