By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
