Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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