My room smells like vodka and shame
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
