It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
try to milk me bitch
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