oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
