Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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