Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
