and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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