She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
