I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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