Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
