When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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