so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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