We named our party play list daddy issues
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
