you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I believe in your delicious
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
