It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
