I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
BRING THE BAGELS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
