I think my vagina is haunted
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize