I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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